White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So much rum. So many feels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
