yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
