my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
