My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
