They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
