so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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