I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
