he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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