Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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(775): View more from Nevada

i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

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(630): View more from Illinois

just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.

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(817): View more from Texas

I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

You're welcome.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.

Fav 9 1620 1973
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(573): View more from Missouri

Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.

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(315): View more from New York

Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.

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(425): View more from Washington

oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture

(1-425): View more from Washington

this is why i will never break up with you

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