every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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