he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
