I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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