i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
