i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
