I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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