Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
