Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
