go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
