I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
