So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You pole danced in your parka.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
