Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
