He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
