So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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