So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
