Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
