A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize