Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
