You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
