apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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