I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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