So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
