Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
