yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize