everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love you.
Bad choice
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
