No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
