Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
