he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
