Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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