Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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