lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
