The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
