Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My pussy is not your playground.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
