it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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