I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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