Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
