so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
look no pants
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
