so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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