Im at strip club and am horny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
