True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
