My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
not ubering you a puppy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
