Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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