Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
