No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
