Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
