I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize