i just had sex bonerless
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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