I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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