I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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