the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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