You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
