I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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