Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
