haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
