ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
