u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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