Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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