You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
