Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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