Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
