I bet he comes in French.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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